Where do I start with how terrible the Bombay version of PVR is ?
Maybe sequentially is best.
Ticket booking :
A little counter at the side of Dynamix mall on a one way street with no parking.
If you decide to use the parking of the mall before buying your ticket in advance, be prepared to shell out 30 bucks for waiting in line for 10 minutes to park your car and another 20 minutes to get it back. Rs. 1 per minute that you wait.
Advance booking rating : -10
As mentioned above, it takes approximately 30 minutes for parking if you have visited the cinema for advance booking. During the shows, be prepared to wait 45 minutes to park your car and 1 hour to get it back unless you are prepared to miss the final 10 minutes of your movie, come rushing down and collect your car before the rest of the crowd comes out.
There is just one entry/exit point and 3 valets struggle to keep up. This when only 2 of PVR's 5 screens have been opened for viewing.
Don't even think of parking on the road. The area around is home to some high profile neighbours like Mr. Bacchan himself and Mr. Dev Anand which ensures police patrols on a regular basis and the possibility of bumping into a mamu looking for his daily bonus is very high. 30Rs parking or minimum 100Rs bonus - you decide.
Parkng Rating : -10
The theatre is located on the 3rd Floor of the mall with entry through the mall itself. To put it in perspective, the mall is solely a Shoppers Stop outlet.
The elevator is difficult to locate as it is hidden behind huge barriers of display material of Shoppers Stop. Even if you do locate the elevator, it only goes upto the 2nd floor (basement, ground, 1st & 2nd).
The escalators as in any mall makes you complete half a circambulation before you can take the next level up.
The elevators and escalators are stopped at 9pm. So if you plan to catch a show later than that, be prepared to walk up 3 flights of stairs and a walk around and around half a kilometre of shuttered window displays. If that wasn't bad enough, imagine doing the same while helping your parents and grandparents on this yatra.
Entry Rating : -10
Time Management :
The show we picked was the 10.30pm show of Fanaa. Its a given in multiplexes, that the theatre doors are opened a minimum of 5 minutes before the printed show timing. Most multiplexes give you around 10 minutes. So logically you would arrive at least 15 minutes before the show is supposed to start. If you have been forewarned, then you would come at lesat 45 minutes earlier to be able to park your car.
At 10:30, there were no signs of the doors opening. 10:40 and you can still hear the muffled sounds of something playing inside the hall. 10:45 a couple of people from the previous show start coming out. At 10:50 they want to shut the doors to clean up the hall. But the 500 people who have been STANDING outside since at least 10:15, are in no mood to wait any longer, so they just start barging inside.
Time Management Rating : -30 (for each extra minute)
Facilities Management :
As mentioned above, the hall doors were forcibly opened by irate customers who had been standing outside for more than 15 minutes after the time the show was supposed to start.
Essentially you have 500 people waiting in a space which has seating for about 45 and no air conditioning running. There is standing space, but the air was getting staler by the second.
Once inside the hall too, the air conditioning was turned off. For the first 20 minutes it was cooler than outside, where we had been standing for 45 minutes, but it soon became quite stuffy inside too and the movie in true Yash Chopra style meandered for 3 whole hours (with interval)
Facilities Management Rating : -20
Snack Bar / Candybar :
Have you ever had the popcorn at PVR in Delhi ? The best in the country. PVR in Bombay ? Don't even go with zero expectations. The popcorn is soggy not crunchy. The caramel flavoured version has an extremely watery caramel. This isn't a "Bombay's humidity" problem. If Cinemax, Imax, Fame Andheri, Fame Malad and Fun Republic all within a 5 km radius can give good crunchy popcorn, then why not PVR?
The samosas just look huge, the filling? Lets just say I've had better food in hostels.
The burgers - terrible. The chicken burger patty only feels like potatoes patty so be ready for a carb overdose.
If you need napkins, you need to ask specifically for them.
Chilled water - not available - only room temperature.
Most snacks are served cold. You need to specifically instruct them to heat up food if you want it at a decent temperature. Then be prepared to wait another 10 minutes while the sole microwave struggles to keep pace.
Snack Bar / Candybar Rating : -30 (nothing is edible)
Only 3 stalls in the ladies loo. So although they are slightly wider than most other cinema loos, be prepared for a long wait for your turn. Also be prepared to miss part of the movie. Cleanliness can be judged by the people to loo ratio. Now you can get an extremely vague idea as to what people in slums have to adjust with in their common loos.
Washrooms Rating : -10
No matter which show you attend, be prepared to climb down 3 levels of stairs, since there is no other exit option. Even to get inside the main mall is not possible once you get in the Exit stairwell.
Exit Rating : -10
Overall Rating : -130
PVR definitely needs to do some drastic revamping if they want their customers to come back and are even considering opening the next 3 screens. (4th Floor) PVR Priya, Saket, Anupam and the other one in Gurgaon used to be my favorite movie multiplexes. But Mumbai ? Me, I'm not going back even if they give me a free ticket to visit.
If inspite of this post you still want to visit the theater,
Dummies guide to watch a movie at PVR Bombay :
Go early - at least an hour earlier. You can then pick up your tickets at the same time. Park in relatively less time.
Eat at Brio downstairs before you go up.
Use the washrooms on the groundfloor next to Crossword.
Choose an early show & go up before the escalators and elevator stops working.
Unfortunately you have no option but to climb down. Unless you carry a crutch and ask them to let you out from the entry door, then take the escalator to the second floor and the lift t the ground floor.
Leave 10 minutes before the climax so you don't get stuck in the return crowd at parking.
No parking woes if you use autos.
All images used in this post are for illustration purposes only. PVR has not sanctioned or approved of this post. The views expressed are those of the author alone.
Published on desicritics.org